A few years ago I made up terms to describe a similar friend dynamic: attractor and attractee. Attractor doesn't presuppose any ethical qualms; it's just a word to describe people who, for one reason or another, have an easy time making friends and making people want to be around them. Attractees are basically everyone else, though an extreme attractee probably comes off as somewhat obsequious (just as an extreme attractor would come off as the bad-at-boundaries person you've described).
This week I started looking into eggs. It used to be easier to find what seemed to be ethical ones. I just looked for the RSPCA Freedom Foods logo. Now either that's no longer a thing, or the supermarkets I have access to aren't interested in that particular certification. Ten minutes of googling later, I'd discovered how much chicken suffering I was responsible for, and ordered some organic eggs but also not been terribly convinced it was a drastically better proposition than the next rung down. It seems to fit into a pattern Rem and I have been discussing for years, where "consumer choice" actually means you just have eight different places to buy almost identical versions of the same product, rather than eight very different versions. And yes, this does feel like a feature of the system rather than a bug.
I also recognise the "mildly bad person is the queen bee of a social system" thing, though I'd never realised exactly how it delivered benefits for those around them.
A question I find myself asking myself surprisingly often is basically "How much am I willing to restructure my life to reduce the suffering of chickens?" and reliably the answer turns out to be "not much TBH". I'm happy to spend more money, but I don't really believe that spending more money helps much and am not really willing to reduce my chicken and egg consumption much. I feel a little bad about this but not enough to change my ways.
Relieved it's not just me. My main thought about this stuff is that while vegetarianism is possible for me), it's medically impossible for me to go vegan. I never did get back to eating meat after last year's medical saga, though that's about texture and digestion. As a result, eggs are one of the three staple foods I consume the most. And me and solid food are not going to be together forever, so my quality of life at this point holds the most sway.
A few years ago I made up terms to describe a similar friend dynamic: attractor and attractee. Attractor doesn't presuppose any ethical qualms; it's just a word to describe people who, for one reason or another, have an easy time making friends and making people want to be around them. Attractees are basically everyone else, though an extreme attractee probably comes off as somewhat obsequious (just as an extreme attractor would come off as the bad-at-boundaries person you've described).
This is a super interesting piece !!
This week I started looking into eggs. It used to be easier to find what seemed to be ethical ones. I just looked for the RSPCA Freedom Foods logo. Now either that's no longer a thing, or the supermarkets I have access to aren't interested in that particular certification. Ten minutes of googling later, I'd discovered how much chicken suffering I was responsible for, and ordered some organic eggs but also not been terribly convinced it was a drastically better proposition than the next rung down. It seems to fit into a pattern Rem and I have been discussing for years, where "consumer choice" actually means you just have eight different places to buy almost identical versions of the same product, rather than eight very different versions. And yes, this does feel like a feature of the system rather than a bug.
I also recognise the "mildly bad person is the queen bee of a social system" thing, though I'd never realised exactly how it delivered benefits for those around them.
A question I find myself asking myself surprisingly often is basically "How much am I willing to restructure my life to reduce the suffering of chickens?" and reliably the answer turns out to be "not much TBH". I'm happy to spend more money, but I don't really believe that spending more money helps much and am not really willing to reduce my chicken and egg consumption much. I feel a little bad about this but not enough to change my ways.
Relieved it's not just me. My main thought about this stuff is that while vegetarianism is possible for me), it's medically impossible for me to go vegan. I never did get back to eating meat after last year's medical saga, though that's about texture and digestion. As a result, eggs are one of the three staple foods I consume the most. And me and solid food are not going to be together forever, so my quality of life at this point holds the most sway.